Sunshine At Dusk (Part III of IV)

Banu went about cleaning her apartment with great enthusiasm, in anticipation of spending that Sunday evening and the whole of Monday with Shiva.

Shiva did not talk much on their car ride from LA to Irvine since he did not want to distract Banu who was driving the vehicle, as she relied a bit on lip-reading during conversations. After reaching her apartment, she asked him whether he was hungry for which he replied in the negative. After introducing him to her roommates and showing him around the apartment, she asked him, “Do you want to take a nap or something, da? You look tired.”

He replied, “No, no, I’m fine. I’ll just go wash my face. Banu, remember you telling me about that lake that’s close by. Can we just go for a walk there?”

She said, “Sure, we can go there. It’s just a mile from here. Do you want to go like right now or…?”

He nodded and said, “Yeah, we’ll go now.”

They walked around the breathtakingly beautiful lake, the stillness of the waters and the muted colors of twilight combining to lend the place a certain tranquility. Banu said, “This kind of a place is right up your alley, no? You couldn’t find this in Pittsburgh, for sure!”

He laughed and said, “Oh, yeah! It’s beautiful. Can we sit down for a few minutes, Banu?”

“Sure,” she said as they sat on the grass. He began to recount the days he spent in India, Banu asking him very few questions as usual. After he told her about the happenings at the wedding and how he felt when he then went to the Orphanage, she said, “Come on, da. Appa and I are…”

He interrupted her and said, “No, I know. It’s just…I know you have always treated me like family but still that complex that it’s just ‘like family’ and not really belonging to a family as such, has just been weighing on my mind since that day. You’ve known me for what…for as long as you can remember?! Have I ever told you something like this? Hmmm…the day I left Bangalore, I wanted to get Karthi Sir a ‘Sorry’ card so I went to Archie’s. There, I saw these greeting cards for Raksha Bandhan[1]…Banu, in spite of both of us having a common ‘Mother’ in Chithra Ma, I know that neither of us have ever referred to each other as brother or sister and all…but, I just want that sense of belonging…so, please tie this around my wrist, Banu,” he said, as he took a Rakhi from his bag.

Banu took the Rakhi from him, and instead of tying it around his wrist, she said, “Shiva, please. You and I don’t really need all of this, da. Let me tell you this. This is pretty much the same thing I said to Appa when he first broached the topic of arranged marriage to me last month. You were the first person that he suggested and asked me what I felt about you. I was like, there is no one word to describe the bond that you and I have. To me, there’s a certain kind of beauty in not trying to define something that’s actually indefinable, in not trying to give a form to something that’s actually incorporeal. And, it’s that unique kind of beauty that I enjoy in my relationship with you, Shiva. That, something like marriage, as Appa suggested or this thing that you’re saying…I mean, our relationship just transcends all that, da. Please…I just don’t want you to feel the need for a family or something tangible like this Rakhi when the fact is you’re like the person who really means the world to me...really.”

He did not exactly know how to react to this and though he did see meaning in her words, he was a tad disappointed as he put the Rakhi back in his bag. She asked, “Are you upset with me, da?”

“No, no, no. I understand. I mean I’ve just been feeling a certain kind of way, that’s all. That’s…that’s fine. Let’s get going.”

Seeing the disappointment writ largely on his face, she joked, “Gosh, if I’d tied this around your wrist, you then would’ve had to give me a gift for that, right??” in an effort to lighten the atmosphere.

“Totally pathetic, you are!” he said, as the two of them laughed at each other.

That night, Shiva went to sleep earlier than usual. A few minutes after Banu checked her e-mail and placed an online order (for a couple of Indian Movies on DVD) she went to the living room where she saw Shiva fast asleep on the couch. She took out the Rakhi from his bag and tied it around his wrist. She was about to tap him on his shoulder when she decided against waking him up, for she knew that it must have been quite a while since he had slept well, and smiled to herself with a pinch of pride, knowing that it was her comforting presence that was the reason.

The next morning after he woke up, he walked out to the balcony where she was having her chai, and said, in a childish tone, “You didn’t have to do this just for my sake, okay?”

Brushing his hair, she said smilingly, “Stupid kiddo da, you are! If that were the case, I would’ve done it at the lake itself. Forget about it…it’s no big deal.”

“Thanks anyway, Banu,” he responded. “What gift do you want, now?”

“Not a gift really. But it’s a wish. And, I wont take ‘no’ for an answer. So now, should I ask you? Or, are you going to renege on the deal? You decide!”

With a puzzled look he replied, “Go ahead, tell me. What is it?”

“Will you, after getting back to Pittsburgh, join this Yoga class?” she asked, handing him a printout. “One of my new acquaintances here was giving me this lengthy baashan[2] about how our breathing patterns are such an important part of us and how much yoga helps. So, I found out if there was something near our apartment there. This is just a couple of blocks away, da. Will you try it out and see if this helps in anyway? I wont force you…but I’d be really, really happy if you did this for me.”

He grinned mischievously and said, “Hmmm…somebody is not going to take ‘no’ for an answer…what can I do? Okay, will go find out...”.

That afternoon, remembering Karthikeyan’s words, he broached the topic of her marriage and convinced her to at least give it a little thought and not rule it out. She acquiesced and before he left her apartment, he sent Karthikeyan an e-mail asking him to write to her in detail about the proposals he had in mind.

***

Shiva did join the Yoga class, which met three times a week. Things were normal at work as well. But he was still unable to find that inner peace that he was yearning for, the lack of which was contributing to fits of temper, loss of sleep and an overall lack of balance. There was only so much that Banu could do, that too in a bicoastal relationship. Keeping to himself before and after work, he had the tendency to revisit his bitter experiences--his break-up with Jothi in particular—in his mind, perceiving them as the incomplete chapters of his life. That those chapters were ‘meant’ to end that way was a line of thought that was beyond his comprehension because unlike Banu, he neither found any comfort in any supernatural power nor had belief in fate laying out its own course for people.

For Banu, life was to take a new turn, having agreed to meet a 26-year old named Srikanth as part of the arranged marriage process. He was actually Karthikeyan’s last choice among the guys he had in mind for Banu, for the others comprised of Doctors and Engineers, two professions that middle to upper middle class Indian parents are most comfortable with, when looking for a match for their children! But Banu was keener on meeting Srikanth, one of the creative forces behind “Nisha,” a small, much-acclaimed independent English film, with a cast of unknowns, that she had described in her review for “@ITude” as “the stunning debut of the writer-director duo of Cheeka (Srikanth), a scriptwriter of exquisite emotional insight and Vishwa, a director with the polish and assurance of a veteran in his presentation.”

In spite of his own preferences, Karthikeyan was happy that Banu had at least shown some interest and so, he got in touch with Srikanth’s parents (who lived in Bangalore, as well) through a mutual friend and after both parties exchanged photos and horoscopes of Srikanth and Banu, they arranged for the two of them to meet up in a small coffee shop in Long Beach. Banu had suggested the place and they agreed to meet up there that Saturday afternoon at around 3:30, the messages required to set up the meeting being transmitted from Banu to Karthikeyan, to Srikanth’s parents, to Srikanth and back!

Srikanth’s Uncle (who lived in Los Angeles) had come to the coffee shop to drop him and briefly meet Banu. She was there a little early and so, just waited at a table for two, near the glass windows. As she saw Srikanth – flowers in hand – and his Uncle approach her, she got up and said, “Hello.”

His Uncle said, “Banu?”

She smiled and said, “Yeah. Hi!” as she shook hands with him.

She and Srikanth exchanged glances at each other as Srikanth gave her the flowers. She said, “Thanks! They’re lovely.”

His Uncle said to him, “Okay, I’ll let the two of you talk. Cheeka, I have to go to Costco. I’ll pick you up at around 5:00-ish, okay?”

“Yeah, take your time,” he replied.

After he left, the two of them sat down to talk. Srikanth said, “Gosh, I’m so glad we didn’t have to meet at my Uncle’s or your place! This is much better!”

She smiled and said, “I am surprised it’s this quiet on a Saturday. By the way, I wanted to give you this,” she said, as she gave him the printouts of the two editions of “@ITude” that had her reviews of his two movies.

He looked pleasantly surprised and said excitedly, “Can I quickly read them? I’ll just read one, okay?”

“Sure, go ahead,” she responded and was a little surprised when he chose to read her review of “From the Realm of Darkness.” She took a close look at his expressions as his eyes scanned the document. At the end of it, he read a line from the review, out loud- “With good characterizations and sharp dialogues, the pair proves that ‘Nisha’ was no flash in the pan but overall it is a disappointing follow-up, especially the screenwriter’s contrivance in the climax. My verdict: **½/****”

In a tone of mock disappointment, he said, “How sad…and how ironic that you thought that this wasn’t as bright as ‘Nisha!’”

She replied, “Come on, you haven’t even read my other review!”

He said, “I know you would’ve liked it. How couldn’t you?! It was an awesome film!” Sipping on his chai, he continued, “You know what my favorite tea is?”

She looked puzzled, as he snickered and said, “Immodesty!” He continued in a slightly serious vein, “But, I don’t know why people didn’t like the climax of ‘From the Realm…’” he said, referring to the film which portrayed an elderly man’s tender relationship with his grandson, an alcoholic. After helping him recover from alcoholism, he dies in a train accident on his way to the latter’s University town to attend his grandson’s graduation ceremony. “The burning embers of that train with the grandpa character in it symbolized a kind of brightness, an irony considering the fact that he had rescued his grandson ‘from the realm of darkness.’”

She said, “Well, that’s just how I felt.”

“Well, that’s the way a lot of people felt! Which is why it wasn’t received well either critically or in terms of b-o numbers here or in the Indian metropolises.”

“So, what are you working on, now?”

“On the story of a guy and a girl who meet up in a coffee shop in Long Beach! Just kidding…I don’t know if you read about it. Vishwa and I had a pretty ugly spat after the release of the film and so we split on a professional level. The guy gave an interview to ‘The Hindu,’ passing sarcastic comments on my script and that was the end of that. I mean he’s a talented guy- the way he shot the climax of ‘Nisha,’ I thought it was a virtuoso of shot selection and editing. But I’m very frivolous and easygoing about pretty much everything else in life but not filmmaking…he thought I was overreacting but well, that’s just how I am…am way too protective of my films! So we just shook hands and parted ways! Don’t mistake me. It’s not like someone doesn’t like the film and I get pissed off…it’s just that the criticism has to be constructive…like these reviews!” he said, grinning at her.

He continued, “Right now, I am looking to go independent as a director and I’m hoping to start filming early next year. I even have a bound 90-page script ready. But there’s been some delays in getting the financing so, till then I am assisting a friend of mine, also a Director, with his film. We’re actually done with our shoot in LA. We’re flying to New York Monday, which is where I am going to be, for the next three months and which is where I’m hoping to start shooting my next film…Geez, I hope this coffee shop doesn’t impose any word-limits on people! Sorry, I just have this tendency to keep rambling if someone asks about my plans! Anyways, enough of me! Tell me about yourself…Jesus! ‘Tell me about yourself?’…Sorry if that sounded like an interview question!”

Banu chuckled and said, “I know, it’s kind of weird, this whole thing!” She then spoke with him about her job, her hearing condition, and family, all briefly. The conversation was predominantly light, with the two of them talking more about their common interests, passions and hobbies.

When it was time to leave, he said, “Well Banu, it was a pleasure meeting you. I have your e-mail id here,” pointing to her note on the newsletter. “I’m assuming you’re on Messenger too.”

“Yeah, it was great meeting you. Yeah, I’m on Yahoo!”

“There comes the horrible villain!” he said, laughing at his Uncle. He said to Banu, “I’ll buzz you after I get to New York, okay?”

“Sure. Have a safe trip back!”

That evening Banu wrote to Shiva (she described Srikanth as “Mr. Mile-a-Minute!”) and Karthikeyan about having a very good first impression of Srikanth, much to the delight of Shiva and much to the relief of Karthikeyan.

***

Fall, in Pittsburgh, is a few months of pleasant—at times, delightful—weather, in spite of the rather depressing thought that the leaves would have to ‘let go,’ as the season progressed, after being comfortably ensconced on the trees. But this lent the change in their colors a unique, poignant beauty. Shiva understood the need for Banu to spend time getting to know Srikanth so he reduced the frequency and the duration of his chats with her, unmindful of his loneliness.

On the day he left Irvine, when Shiva was trying to coax her into the arranged marriage process, he had actually told her that this would give him something positive and exciting to look forward to, as he knew that Banu’s happiness would rub off on him and slowly lift him from the dark tunnel he had pushed himself into.

Nearly a month after they first met and after a number of e-mail exchanges and chat conversations Banu and Srikanth set up their second meeting in Pittsburgh, the last weekend of September. It was a meeting that Shiva looked forward to with great eagerness.

While Banu flew in from Irvine that Friday, Srikanth drove to Pittsburgh from New York early Saturday morning, telling them that he would meet up with them at the “India Garden” Restaurant for lunch.

As they waited at the Restaurant, Shiva noticed Banu adjusting her Churidhar and said, “Banu, your dress is fine! Don’t mess it up, okay?!”

Srikanth went into the Restaurant, walked towards their table and said, “Gosh, excuse me!” and immediately stepped out. When he came back, Banu asked, “What happened?”

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to make sure I left my brains out the door…just kidding! Just wanted to make sure I locked the car.”

Banu grinned and said, “Anyways, this is Shiva.”

Shiva said, “Hello, Cheeka!” for which he replied, “Helloooo, my best friend’s best friend! How are you??”

The three of them then sat together in a booth, Banu sitting opposite the two of them so that she could look at their lips as they spoke.

Srikanth said, “Banu, you look terrific!”

Banu replied, “Thank you!”

He then asked, “And…?”

Knowing that he was expecting a compliment in return, Banu smiled impishly and said, “Are we ready to order?”

He threw his arms up in the air and said to Shiva, “Shiva, my birthday is on the 25^th of November. Can you remember to get me a fishing rod as a gift, then?”

Shiva looked perplexed and asked, “Fishing rod?”

Srikanth gleefully responded, “Yeah, I want to make sure I catch those compliments! Geez Banu…didn’t know you’d make me fish for compliments this pathetically!”

He then launched into a near-breathless monologue- “Gosh…Shiva, I have no idea how you’ve tolerated her for this long! The other day, on chat, I said, ‘I’ve been thinking of you all morning!’ and she replies, ‘Why? You didn’t have filming in the morning, is it??’ I am like ‘duh…’ I don’t know if she’s told you this but I tend to ramble a lot when I write out e-mails but Banu’s replies, as you know, are always short and sweet. So one day I tell her in a sarcastic tone, ‘Banu, send me a mail that’s like 10K, okay?’ and she was all sweet and said, ‘Sure, tomorrow evening after work!’ So, the next evening I receive a mail that’s 11K, only problem being, it was a reply to a 9K mail I’d sent, with all of my text intact, below the few lines she wrote!”

He had a sip of water and continued, “And, this Yahoo! Messenger…we guys are pathetic, Shiva! We think that an entry into the Friends list of a girl on Yahoo! is like an entry into her heart! But you know…a girl can know every bit of our daily routine if we’re on her Friends list because nobody uses these ‘Status Message’ options quite like we do! Because after chatting with Banu, I’ve come to realize that whenever I put, ‘Not at my desk,’ I actually mean, ‘Please leave me a message before I get back to my desk!’ and whenever I put, ‘Out to lunch…back at 1:00,’ I mean, ‘I wish I’d been out to lunch with you!’ and I put ‘Sleeping!’ when I mean, ‘I wish I was…’” he said, as he winked at them.

Banu sniggered and said, “Horrible guy, you are, Cheeka!”

Srikanth laughed and said, “Arrey, I meant, ‘I wish I was wide awake, chatting with you!’ Just kidding…but I’ve never really understood why some guys actually put up that status message! I mean, if you’re going to bed, why not just log the hell out and go to sleep!”

The three of them continued chatting and exchanging jokes for the next hour and a half, and after they finished their meal, Shiva told them that he was going to spend some time in the office and that he would see them in the evening. He did so because he knew that the two of them would have wanted to spend some quality time together.

Banu and Srikanth took a walk around the Carnegie Mellon campus. They then sat on one of the benches next to the tennis courts as he said, “Banu, it’s great to see you again.”

She replied, “Same here, Cheeka!”

“My parents asked me how things are going and I said that I’ve been feeling very positive about this. I know that I just goof around a lot n all…but seriously, I like you a lot.”

She shyly smiled and said, “Same here!”

“What?! You like yourself too?!” He continued, “No, seriously…they’ve been asking me about how comfortable you and I feel in giving them a green signal for an engagement.”

She responded, “Cheeka, I know that we’ve known each other only for a few weeks but it’s been great…it’s been absolutely great. You have given me, Shiva and Appa so much happiness. With Shiva, you won’t believe it- he’s been so happy about this that he has been slowly forgetting about his own worries and bitter memories. Remember I was telling you a little about what happened to him? I’m saying this because one of the reasons why I was hesitant to get into this arranged marriage thing was Shiva. He was really in a wrecked state then that I wasn’t sure if I would have time for all this…really. I was spending all my time after work either talking to him or worrying about him. But the joy this has given him is something that means a lot to me…like the first thing you said to him when you saw him. I am sure that just made his day! And, I really have to thank you for all that. But…I just feel that we should give it a little more time before going in for the engagement.”

“Sure. What is like the time frame you have in mind, Banu?”

“No Cheeka, don’t mistake me. It’s not a question of time frame and all. I mean I just want us to spend a little more time with each other and really try and get to know the depths of each other. I know we’ve been kind of having a lot of fun in our chats and mails and all but I want us both to reach a stage where we both can, when the other one is feeling vulnerable, just make those emotions dissolve instantly. It’s like there is this huge world of difference between saying, ‘I know you will understand,’ as opposed to ‘I hope you will understand.’ Oh my God, am I making sense?”

He smiled and said, “Yeah, yeah…go on. I haven’t lost you as yet!”

“I don’t know. All this might not fit into the conventional arranged marriage process but…it’s just how I feel about it. It’s what happened with Shiva earlier this year that’s probably making me think that way. He and Jothi first met last summer at a mutual friend’s wedding at the Pittsburgh Temple. Everything seemed great, they were attracted to each other, really enjoyed each other’s company and he proposed to her after a couple of months…but things somehow went haywire for them down the line. I mean I won’t blame either of them. It’s just that I think they hadn’t gotten to the stage where they really ‘knew’ each other. Too many explanations, too many misunderstandings and too many conflicts as a result of two just incredibly varied natures that it just turned out to be a disaster in the end. Which is why I just want us both to take things just a little slowly and not get too carried away.”

“I get what you’re saying, Banu. And, I am game. Sure, we’ll give it some more time and see how it goes. You’re saying that we’ll try to strike a meaningful friendship…sure, that makes sense.”

He grinned and said, “All this reminds me of Ms. Nisha’s degrees of separation!!” in reference to a line from “Nisha,” his film about a 20-year-old girl’s experiences as her parents go through a divorce. Srikanth had written the following lines for a scene in the movie, uttered by Nisha about her parents’ divorce-“I feel that men and women have three degrees of separation between them- an arm’s length, a one-inch space and a total lack of space. The toughest thing is to maintain that one-inch space when the urge to go that extra inch becomes too hard to resist…and, they couldn’t resist.”

He continued, “I’ll talk to my parents and tell them about this. They might argue a little but don’t worry. I’ll try and convince them. Have you told your father about this?”

“No, it’s the same with him. Will have a little explaining to do with him! But thanks for understanding, Cheeka.”

Shiva immensely enjoyed spending time with them that weekend, all three of them watching “Nisha” on DVD that Saturday night, with Srikanth’s ‘commentary’ on the side! Srikanth drove back that Sunday afternoon, as he had to be back on location the following morning. But Banu’s flight out of Pittsburgh was on Monday morning.

That Sunday evening after Srikanth left, as the two of them were watching “In the Realm…” Banu paused the DVD in the scene before the train-crash and said, “I don’t want to see it! Anyways, tell me, Shiva. What do you think?"

“It was a good movie!”

“Gosh…it’s the effect of spending time with that crazy fellow! Seriously…tell me, da.”

“Honestly, I think the two of you make a great pair! I really think it’ll work out wonderfully well.”

“Really? That’s good! Anyways, I’ve been wanting to ask you this. Are you ready to look at any girls in this arranged marriage kind of thing?”

“I don’t know, Banu. I think I am slowly getting out of it, especially because of all the excitement with you and Srikanth. I mean, just spending these two days with you guys was so much fun. The Yoga classes have been good too. I try to go there regularly. But at times, something or the other brings out the complex in me and I just lose my sense of control, even if momentarily. For instance, the other day, remember you were telling me about this movie, ‘Shopgirl?’ So, I was reading Ebert’s review and this one line kind of popped out at me. He wrote that a character in the movie was ‘lovable like a puppy that you are delighted belongs to someone else.’ I have no idea why my mind raced all the way back to that conversation I had with Jothi, after I read this. It’s…it’s maddening at times that I think I should wait a little longer before I think of anything new.”

She said, “Shiva, maybe something new will actually make you forget about all of that, da.”

“But if it doesn’t work out…that would be horrible, right?”

“Well…we’ll see. I’ll keep my eyes open and if I see someone whom I think would really be a good match for you…I won’t tell you. I’ll just send a mail to Professor Sir about her!”

***

[1] Traditionally a North Indian festival, Raksha Bandhan is a festival that honors the bond between a girl and a guy whom she considers her ‘brother.’ The sister ties the Rakhi thread around the guy’s wrist, praying for him and the guy in turn makes a tacit promise to be the protective ‘brother’ of the girl, giving her a small gift as a token of love.

[2] Lecture

[3] Darkness

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Part IV of IV:

http://www.e-katha.com/blog/2006/07/sunshine-at-dusk-part-iv-of-iv.html