Sunshine At Dusk (Part IV of IV)

Over the next couple of months, Banu and Srikanth gradually spent more time talking about serious issues and sharing a lot of personal thoughts with each other. The two of them felt that they were ‘ready’ for a commitment and conveyed it to the folks back in India. Karthikeyan and Srikanth’s parents got together and decided on Feb 3rd, 2006 as the date for their engagement in Bangalore.

Though enveloped by the cold and the gloom of the Pittsburgh winter, Shiva was gradually clawing his way back towards the stability that he needed, in order for a big career decision to materialize- he was seriously considering pursuing a Ph.D. and he spoke with his Professor at The University of Pittsburgh about the possibility of taking some courses in the Spring semester. The latter too, was excited at this prospect because Shiva was one of his blue-eyed students.

At the time Shiva finished his Masters (in May ’03), he was to continue doing research with this Professor but he decided against it because of Chithra Ma’s treatment expenses and Banu not getting assistantship (she eventually did but only in the last semester), and he took it upon himself to find a job (in Pittsburgh, so that he could be with Banu) and contribute whatever he could towards both those major expenses, much against the wishes of Chithra Ma and Banu but then again, he was famous for his adamancy.

Shiva and Srikanth planned to spend the Thanksgiving weekend in Irvine with Banu, with three of them making plans to go to Srikanth’s Uncle’s sprawling four-bedroom house in Beverly Hills on Thursday to celebrate Srikanth’s birthday.

The evening before he left to California, Shiva called Karthikeyan to tell him about his Ph.D. plans. As he started talking to him, he felt that Karthikeyan sounded a little different and so asked, “Are you doing okay?”

“Oh, has Swathi’s sister not told you about it? Well…Raman Sir passed away yesterday.” After a brief pause, he continued, “He suffered from a cardiac arrest…I have known him for the last thirty five years, Shiva. It was so good to see him at Swathi’s wedding after a long time…well…he lived a full life. He died a very content man.”

“I’m very sorry about that, Karthi Sir. No, I didn’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve spoken with Jothi. Did you see Jothi? Is she okay?”

“Yes, I saw her. She was consoling Swathi, who came in from Melbourne last night. Swathi was crying her heart out though.”

“Oh, really? Well, I’ll write to Jothi. And, please don’t tell Banu about it, okay? She and Cheeka get to spend time together only once in five or six weeks and I don’t want her to be upset about this.”

“Okay. But I don’t even think she knows him. Anyway, you have a good time there. Tell Srikanth I inquired about him.”

“Sure, you take care.”

After he kept the phone down, Shiva immediately sat down to write a mail, with words of consolation, to Jothi. After typing out the mail though, he was not sure whether he wanted to send it. Instead of sending the mail, he saved the draft and headed out to his Yoga class.

Unsure of what to do and not wanting to tell Banu about it, he left for Los Angeles where Banu, with the help of Srikanth’s Uncle and Uncle’s kids, was planning a small birthday party for Srikanth, who had been feeling a little hassled, thanks to continued financial problems for the Producer who was going to invest in his project. So, Srikanth decided to put in quite a bit of his savings to ensure that the project would take off in January.

That night at the party, Srikanth, remembering what Banu told him about Shiva’s discomfiture at family gatherings, made him sit next to him at the dinner table and introduced him to all his family members and friends. It was a gesture that meant a lot to Shiva, who was still trying his best to shut the e-mail out of his mind.

After the party, since it was already pretty late, Srikanth’s Uncle had requested Banu to head back to Irvine the following morning, instead of at night. Banu agreed, and put out a sleeping bag for Shiva in the living room. Srikanth was alone in his cousin’s room upstairs, making some revisions to his script, on his laptop. Banu spent a few minutes with each of them before heading to the guest room to go to bed, as she had had a long day, having had to go to work, in spite of the Holiday weekend.

After about half hour, Shiva was feeling a little restless and so went upstairs to Srikanth’s room, as he knew that he was the only other person awake. As he knocked on the door, Srikanth asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s Shiva.”

Partially opening the door, he said, “Shiva, I am a little busy. Can we talk tomorrow?”

Noticing the computer on the bed, he asked, “Cheeka, I just want to send a quick mail.”

An annoyed Srikanth, trying hard to conceal his irritation said, “Can’t you wait till tomorrow to use my crappy laptop?!”

“Just two minutes…”

“Okay, just minimize that window and let me know when you’re done, okay?” he said, as he stepped out of the room.

He returned in a few minutes with a glass of water in hand and asked, “Do you want some water, Shiva?” But an instant later, with a shocked expression on his face as he looked at the monitor, he asked, “What the heck is this? Did it freeze…this piece of shit?”

With a helpless expression on his face, Shiva said, “I just opened Internet Explorer and as I clicked on the Yahoo link, it just froze on me.”

After spending a couple of minutes trying to restart the machine and realizing that it had conked out, Srikanth exasperatedly said, “Gosh…I was reworking a key scene...”

“You have a saved version, right?”

He raised his voice a bit in his frustration and said, “Of course, I do…I’ve saved it and backed it up and all. It’s just that my mood and flow today are gone and you won’t understand that, Shiva. I really was in that ‘zone.’ Shit…man, you couldn’t have waited till tomorrow to send this God damn mail??”

In an apologetic tone, he replied, “My friend’s grandpa had passed away and I just wanted to write to her.”

“What friend?” he said, in a peeved manner. “You mean, your former girlfriend, right…Banu was telling me that Meera or someone told her about it and that she didn’t want you to know about it while you were here. What’s the damn hurry to send her a mail? You’re not even in touch with her, right?”

“Okay, Srikanth…that’s none of your business.”

“You know…I just want to be alone…please,” he said, looking towards the door.

With equal doses of anger and ill-timed sarcasm, he said, “Why not just say, ‘Get out?’ You’re just behaving like…I don’t know…as though I blew up your entire Oscar worthy script.”

“Yeah, as though she was staying up all night waiting for your e-mail…”

At this instant, Shiva stormed out the door and went downstairs to pick up his bag. Srikanth followed him downstairs, and seeing him put on his jacket, he said, “Shiva…look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Please…”

“This is not the way to treat a guest, alright?”

“Shiva…I’m sorry. I really am. It’s just that I’ve been a little stressed with all the groundwork for the project.”

An incensed Shiva said, “No, you’re right, she wasn’t staying up all night waiting for my mail. You’re right…nobody in this world will lose sleep over me.”

“Banu will, Shiva. Please…at least for her sake, stay. I mean, where will you go at this hour anyway?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” he said, staring at him.

“No, no. I meant, it’s so late….just go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Lowering his voice a little, he said, “No, Cheeka. I know, I was wrong...I am really sorry. But I won’t feel comfortable sleeping here tonight. I’ll go find a hotel or something. Please don’t wake Banu, up. She must be feeling tired after a hard day. Seriously…I am sorry. I’ll call on your cell tomorrow morning to tell you guys where I am staying. Please ask Banu to pick me up from that hotel, okay?”

And, he left the house the next instant. He took a cab to a nearby Motel and stayed there that night. That night, needless to say, it was quite sometime before he could find some sleep, as he kept looking at himself in the mirror, pondering over the million unanswerable questions that we ask ourselves when we are at our lowest ebbs.

The next morning, as Srikanth told Banu about the previous night, she cried her heart out, tightly hugging him and said, “Why does this have to happen to us, Cheeka…I mean, why can’t we all be happy at all times?” She looked up and said, “God, I really wish I was not ‘hearing’ these things…”

Banu kept looking at Srikanth’s cell phone, waiting for Shiva to call. And, he eventually did, at around 10:30. The three of them met up at the motel. Holding his hands, she asked Shiva, “Why did you do that, da? How could you leave the house without telling me? I mean, even if you were angry…”

Srikanth interrupted and said, “Banu, forget about it. Shiva, I’m really shouldn’t have said those things…especially not at my Uncle’s house. Really sorry, Shiva…”

Shiva said, “I’m sorry too, Cheeka.” Looking at Banu he continued, “I don’t know, Banu. It’s just that both of us lost control…don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”

Srikanth said, in a serious tone, “Shiva, I have this question for you...”

As the two of them looked confused, he laughed and said, “Who was louder yesterday- you or me?!”

Banu and Shiva looked at him, paused for a second and burst out laughing.

The three of them spent the weekend together, mostly chatting with each other at Banu’s house or at the lake, making plans for the engagement. The incident that evening did leave a bitter taste in the mouth of the parties concerned but they concealed it, mainly for Banu’s sake and also because both Shiva and Srikanth knew that it was just the wrong thing happening at the wrong place and time that both of them were at fault.

Both Shiva and Srikanth left Los Angeles Sunday, not before profusely apologizing to each other yet again. Banu asked Srikanth to excuse them for a couple of minutes as she said to Shiva, “Shiva…please, da. Please don’t think of that night too much. Just finish your work in the next three weeks and plan for the Spring semester courses, okay?”

“Don’t worry, Banu. I won’t.”

“Okay, you have a safe trip back, okay?”

“Sure, you take care,” he said, as they hugged each other.

That night, she sent Srikanth, the following e-mail:

---

Dear Cheeka,

It was wonderful spending some time with you the last four days…that I am already missing you…believe it or not, I’m already thinking of New Year’s in New York!! J

I feel really bad about all that happened that night. Its just unfortunate…coz the two of you were bonding so well that I guess something like this had to happen from making it seem too perfect! But I sincerely hope you guys don’t bear any grudge, for the two of you mean a lot to me...

When I hugged him at the airport, I realized how much Shiva ‘needs’ us…he needs a family…which is why I tied him the ‘Rakhi’ in August. I’d initially refused because I felt about it a different way but that night, after he’d gone to bed, I was ordering a couple of DVDs on Nehaflix when I saw these Raksha Bandhan ads pop up. Just for kicks, I clicked on one of the links to a card. And, this phrase that I saw there kinda meant a lot to me. It read, ‘As my sister and my friend, the wonderful Mom you are…’ Seeing that phrase, I realized how much meaning I could lend his life if I perceived him the way Amma did…and, I thought…in more ways than one that that ‘Rakhi’ is like an umbilical cord…at least, that’s how I perceived it when I tied it around his wrist. But it’s not something I can say to him as such…coz he reveres my Amma way too much that I can just hope that I can…or rather, you and I, can give him that comfort of a family the way Amma did (he’s somehow always looked at Appa as more of his “guru” than anything else)…coz I really hope he finds that kinda peace…of course, he will, when he gets married to someone but you know, what are we there for, Cheeka, if we cant do this for him?

Anyways…just kinda felt like sharing that with you…I guess I’ll catch you on chat soon…hopefully when you’re actually “at your desk” ;) ;) And hey, this mail should come out to at least 8K!! J

With love,

Banu

***

Things were finally falling in place for Srikanth’s directorial debut, a project titled, ‘Got a Minute?’ and he was to have rehearsals starting the 2nd of Jan. And, Banu had a relatively light month at work and was busier preparing for her weeklong vacation at the end of the month for, the real ‘life’ of these three truly centered around their meetings! Shiva had registered for three courses in the Spring semester and had given his two-weeks notice at work. After all that happened in LA that night, he decided after all, that he was not going to send that ‘fateful’ mail to Jothi but instead called her to have a casual conversation where he offered his condolences and inquired about her job. She too was dignified and diplomatic, and wished him luck for his Ph.D.

Banu left for Pittsburgh on Christmas Eve, where she spent four days, working more on moving things from the two-bedroom apartment they shared to a studio that Shiva was moving into. The two of them went to their usual favorite places in and around Pittsburgh including the Mall, except the Temple as Shiva refused to join her. The day she was to leave for New York, she asked Shiva, “Shiva, I am a little disappointed that you’re not coming to New York, da. I was looking forward to the three of us spending time together on New Year’s and was really looking forward to looking at how these rehearsal sessions go.”

“No, Banu. For you and Cheeka, this is your first New Year’s together and I really, really think it would be a lot more exciting if the two of you had some privacy…which is why I said, ‘No.’ I’ll see you on your way back, on the 3rd, anyway.”

“Adamant guy you are, da! We could’ve just driven to New York. You just made me book two flights…and, flight fares aren’t that cheap, in case you didn’t know!” she said, winking at him.
The weather Gods must have been in a really foul mood during the day, for they chose to take out their frustrations at dusk, on the citizens of Pittsburgh, and a few other cities in the North East, including New York. It was snowing heavily and flights were getting delayed. And, with Banu’s flight, there were some technical snags too, which caused further delays. After Shiva left the airport, Banu was waiting for a long time at the gate when they finally confirmed the flight departure time.

Shiva was setting up his studio apartment on Murray Avenue when he received a call from Srikanth. Srikanth said, “Shiva, get back to the airport right now! Banups82 is waiting for you there!”

“What?? Did the flight get cancelled??”

“No, no. I don’t know. She sent me a message from her pocket PC that she was coming here late tomorrow afternoon and asked me if I was okay. I was like, sure…half a day’s torture saved! Anyways, she asked me to contact you since you don’t have Internet access as yet at your new place. ”

Shiva took a cab to the airport where he saw Banu and asked her what had happened. She said, “Nothing, da. Can you rent a car tomorrow? I really want you to come with me to New York.”
He patted on her head and said, “God…why’d you have to do this?”

“I don’t know…just didn’t feel like going alone!”

The next morning, with the sun regaining control over the ‘proceedings’ (!) and the roads being cleared up, Shiva rented a car and he and Banu headed to New York, not before she coaxed him to first stop at the SV Temple. Banu had the habit of meditating for a few minutes after finishing her prayers and forced Shiva to sit next to her. After she opened her eyes, he looked her in the eye and asked, “Why are you taking such pains, Banu? We were going to meet up again on the 3rd, anyway?”

“It’s no big deal, da. But you know, I was just thinking of you when I was waiting at the gate. And, I was just watching these Monitors for flight updates. It was just a minor thing but I saw this message for ‘First-class upgrades’ and I immediately thought of you starting on your research work and how you always promise me a first-class ticket when you’re done. And, I just felt that the year you’re going to start this…I wanted you to be with me and Cheeka on New Year’s at midnight.”

He looked at her for a few seconds, unable to come up with a reply that would do justice to how much he meant to her, when he suddenly heard a lady shout, “God…” They turned to see a much-pregnant lady, unmindful of her frailty, who had slipped, while climbing the stairs. Her husband then helped her, chiding her for insisting on the Temple visit, with this kind of a ‘burden.’ The lady then smiled and said, “’Burden?’ Are you crazy?!”

Shiva turned to look at Banu. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds, smiled at her and then bent down to touch her feet.

***THE END***