I Should Have Told Him...

Those were the golden days of my life. Higher studies, job, nice friends circle, my perfect looks and what not. I was enjoying life and learning the creativity of movements. The environment in my office was a bit orthodox. The family culture, one-man reporting etc., as it was the office was with 80% married workers, so what else one could expect about the atmosphere!

Then one day “he” arrived! Owner of a pleasing personality, good height and impressive communication skills were some of the noted positive aspects of him by me at the very first meeting. He was Rohit, the fresh postgraduate and son of our general manager’s best friend. He was in the same rank as I was and there was no doubt a daily chance to talk, play, eat and pass time with him.

Rohit as he told me later, was impressed with me at the very first glance. We started working together. One of my co-workers Seema was impressed with Rohit, as she told me later “it was love at first sight.”

Gradually we grew up with our friendship. Seema, Rohit and myself were the youngest group in the office. As we had to work together, things like going to city and discussions about office matters were always there. All the while there was no doubt that Seema was taking too much of interest in Rohit. Whenever she got a chance to go out with him she used to behave like something was going to happen that day.

“You know Tolly (as she use to call me by this name) today at least I am expecting that he would say something about what he feels about me. Should I go over with my make up again? Or is my dress okay to go out with him?”
Those were some of the common questions she used to ask me before she visited him outside the office.

And one day something happened, I was enjoying my Sunday afternoon when I got a phone call. It was Rohit. I wasn’t expecting him to call as we had spent the whole day before together. We were having separate friends circle for Sundays or evenings after the office hours.

“Tolly this is Rohit.”

“What happened dear?”

“I just want to tell you something.”

“Yeah! Come up”’

“That Seema …she..”

“…”

“She crossed her limits today”

“What?”

“Yeah”

“What you want to say exactly?”

“Tolly! She sent me a flower bouquet of red roses and few chocolates with a proposal card…”

“Ha ha ha nice move. So what is it that you want to do? Just have fun!”

“Tolly you don’t understand...”

“What’s there to understand, she likes you.”

“The thing is… I”

“I like….”

“Someone else?”

“O yeah”

“Who is she?”

“……….”

“Come on Rohit you can tell me. What's your problem?”

“I just don’t know Tolly but I am not going to have Seema in my life…”

“Fine then, just tell her what you think. But you better do it calmly, you know how sensitive she is.”

“Yeah! I will do that. Do you think I should call her right now and tell everything?”

“May be.”

“Thanks Tolly, I will see you tomorrow.”

“Bye dear”.

We found next day that Seema had resigned and got a job in another city. We both knew what had happened. Rohit was really confused. We used to talk about this matter almost daily for a long long time.

Then I found a noticeable change in Rohit’s behavior. He was taking too much care of me. Whether I had my lunch on time, my tea breaks, and my parcels and off course he did half of my work as if it was his own responsibility.

I was feeling uncomfortable working on my system at my desk, as I was able to notice that he is constantly staring at me from his desk. Then he started to accompany me while leaving office. Our residences were in totally opposite directions but he found an excuse. One day it would be, “I just want to meet one of my friend in that area” or “my moms bank is near your place”.

Then slowly he started saying, “I just want to spend more time with you”.

Rohit was a perfect person in many ways but I had Shivam in my life. He was my collage mate. We studied together and now he was working in another city. We were in love for about 2 yrs and he never missed to call me even for a day in those 2 yrs. My parents were not agreeing our love, so we were trying to convince them for our marriage. Shivam had been recently promoted to a higher rank and that meant good income. So, things seemed little better with my parents.

Daily I wanted to clear the matter with Rohit but he was coming up with such an innocent argument, which made things difficult for me. So many times in our phone conversations he used to say, “hay Tolly, how foolish of that Seema to have resigned like that! Suppose I say that Tolly I love you and you say no then would I leave the office? Say Tolly, what would you do if I say something like that?”

In such a situation I used to have a really awkward feeling but then, I would change the topic towards office matters. On the other side, Shivam and my parents were ready for our marriage. Now I was in a paradox knowing that Rohit was madly in love with me while I was in love with Shivam. I maintained silence in front of Rohit. If I did not answer his questions, that meant that I was not saying an outright “no” to him, by which I am not hurting him in any way.

Things were getting worse day by day. So, suddenly I took a hard decision. I stopped talking to Rohit for two days and during that period I took my M.D. in confidence. I told him that within a month I was going to get married and may be even leave the place. So I requested him to relieve me as soon as possible. Things were done. I left the office saying that I was taking 1-month study leave. Rohit obviously had his own queries about me but I avoided him. Then I got married and happily said good-bye to my city.

It is five years long journey since then. I am now having a 3-year-old little Shivam. And I also know that Rohit is still working there, in that same office. One of my friends approached him for her cousin’s proposal in marriage and he come up that he would never marry…

My simple silence was my sin. Now I really feel sorry for him. I did injustice with his innocent feelings. I did not want to hurt him by saying the truth about Shivam. But by not doing so he must be thinking that I played with his heart knowing the fact that I won’t be able to be with him for long.

Still my moral pinches me that I should have told him…….

I am sorry Rohit !

– Antara Karvade

*************************