Some times I guess, we all feel lonely, but the times that you feel lonely despite having people around you was something Parvati had gotten used to. Parvati was a girl, 21 years old, living in a metropolitan city, came from a upper middle class family, went to graduate college and was like any normal girl. But her heartaches were different from the rest. She needed someone to understand her. She had a boyfriend and few friends but still she needed someone. You may ask why after all, she’s already got everything?

It was her state of mind. She was terribly lonely and did not know how to express it. Both of her parents were working, and she had a younger sister. She was in school. Growing up lavishly, modern lifestyle, yet there was something missing, ambition, faith and love. But what’s there to loose if those things go missing? The lonely nights, the despair, the anxiety, isn’t that what a teenaged soul suffers from? “I need to know”, she cried everyday. What did she need to know? She needed to know the truth. What was the truth? What was it that was missing in her life?

From the days of virtue, she thought one day that she should try a new life. Her parents weren’t the least bit concerned about what she did. She had nagging grandparents who came to visit the family sometimes. Like they cared anyway. She didn’t care. She wanted a break. She was frustrated at the thought of having nothing to do despite having all. But then no, she didn’t have all. Her parents had no time to take her out, for shopping or even dinner. Her boyfriend couldn’t afford the luxury she craved; her friends were like pigeonholes where she aimed her mails of sorrow and despair. All in all she was a wreck.

College wasn’t any kinder. Loads of work and tension of projects, that’s all it was like. That was the ideal picture of frustration. The constant desire for a high in life, the taste of booze and cigarette, the tales of love from the latest Hollywood flicks, yes! That’s what she wanted. The ‘unholy’, the ‘impure’. She had found the answer to her question. That was not all; she discovered the people were in love with her, whom she didn’t love. She broke hearts, earned the wrath of a scorned lover. What was left in her life anyway? The drugs were easily available in college, few ‘friends’ and some other people who she could trust got her the needful. Weed, smack, you name it, they got it. Smoking was usually done outside the house, 3 became 10 a day, ah, and how she loved it. It put her personal life into a major stress load, but like she cared. Drinking was never a problem. Few at home and the rest outside.

Life was getting to be fun for Parvati. Or so she thought. But then she wasn’t to be blamed. She needed a push, some love and attention, but who gave it to her? “No one”, she spat angrily looking at the mirror. Dark circles around her lovely eyes, dry skin, aching heart, a pale look on those cheeks. She wasn’t beautiful anymore; she was an angry, ugly looking woman she never intended to become. But she had.

At 21 yrs, she looked 31, her mirth, she had lost. The pallor was visible from a distance. Her parents started to notice that their daughter was ill. She stopped moving out of the house, started ignoring college, didn’t interact much with her friends, shyed away from her boyfriend, and hurt herself over and over again knowing she couldn’t keep doing what she had started anymore.

Doctors were called, claimed bad liver problem, lungs blockage, and anemia. Parents discovered the truth; it had been hiding in her eyes ever since she had started to grow up. She was depressed since her early childhood. No one had ever bothered to ask her what she wanted, whether she was happy or not. She had lost dear friends because of misunderstandings, didn’t anyone know? The doctor asked her mother, if she had ever interacted with her daughter properly. Mother had no reply. The father was so indulged in his work, he didn’t have a clue. The doctor asked Parvati to give her parents another chance. She could trust them now, he assured her. She said she would never hurt herself again, if her parents gave her some attention, spent some time. The poor ashamed parents agreed. She did get better with time. After all dealing with drugs and alcohol abuse was not so simple. Rehabilitation took place for months. Finally she was cured.

That’s not the end, I think the end is in your hands, whether you want to live or die. Never keep yourself in the dark. Open your eyes and see the world. It is lovely out there; you just have to find the love, the colour and the faith. Love your children and your parents. Give them your time, or else they’ll go missing even when they’re near you, and you won’t even know.

-Pallavi Barat

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